God is the ultimate parent. He fills the void that earthly parents did not fulfill. If you were abandoned...He takes you in. He raises you. And the best part is...you receive the best parenting. Parents are His babysitters. The goal of the parent should be to emulate the ultimate parent. They should seek His wisdom in how to deal with specific situations, and scream for divine intervention in the areas that they cannot meet for their children. Parents are not perfect. They are human. And like everyone else...they are a product of their environment...
Children look to their parents for advice. Because our first source of information is authority...parents can sometimes give bias information and not truth. That's why at the end, we should take everything to the Lord.
Speaking from the heart of a woman, I've noticed that women who have lacked the affirmation of their fathers have a very skewed perception of love. They yearn for that male role model to shed light...that wisdom they desire. They stumble in the hands of men, seeking the love that their father did not give them. They cling to every intimate male relationship they can find...hoping that it will fill their void. Some girls are extremely clingy. They cling to every male for attention. They have a hard time in deciphering who is a friend, and who is their mate. So...They flirt with all of them. They want to be the center of attention, and will compete with any female to get that attention. If only they had a father to build their self-esteem...a father that took on the task of exemplifying the man that their daughter should desire instead of chosing men below her standards. Then there are the women who cope with their abandonment by remaining extremely guarded. They don't have a hard time deciphering who they do and don't like, but they are extremely picky all because they fear the reoccuring action of another future heart ache of male abandonment. Both are extreme versions of insecurity. And for those women that God has graced in finding a stable guy to lead their household in the future, somehow they either rush the process....or they don't how to properly love them.
My father was an excellent provider, but not emotionally available. He would give me excellent practical advice as far as future careers, finances, and etc.... But He never gave me spiritual advice. I believe he always had that male phobia (lol) of talking to me about romantic relationships. The only advice he gave me was that I need someone who will treat me like a lady. Therefore my mother gave me over to the hands of the Lord. My mother was single and self sufficient. She cooked, fixed cars, & etc... She is what you would call..."single and complete." So I grew up with the independent woman mentality, but at times...it cripples me. I observed the men in the church and how they treated their wives, and was able to get some sort of an idea of what to look for. However, because it wasn't consistent, I tend to forget. I told the Lord..."I didn't have that perfect father example to know what to desire in a mate. How should he treat me?
And like a loving father He softly whispered...."I got you Ashley. The man of God I have for you will emulate me. Look to me...Look to papa. The same mercy, grace, love, & etc... I gave you...he will as well." And because I am not perfect myself...I told the Lord " I need a mentor...a married couple" And the next day I went to a Bible study, and the lady leading the Bible study offered a mentoring program for young women away from home. God really loves me...He really takes care of me.
I do not claim that the one God has for you will be perfect. Some of us will find their mates before their time, and they may not be in the best shape at the moment. But it will be your responsibility to pray them out of their areas of instability. You do not necessarily have to be romantically involved right away. You can be a simple friend. Observe them along the way. Women...how does the guy treat his mother...does he have a temper? (red flag) Men...how does she treat her father...is she bitter? (red flag) The will of God is the will of God, and it stands and remains. So if it is in His will for you to be with that particular person, it will come to pass regardless. If you've come across 26 red flags in the relationship...it is best to let it go, until the two of you are a finished product. And if it was never ordained...at least you ended it before it became the relationship from Hell.
You don't have to receive any sort of emotional drama, disrespect, or anything that will cause your heart to be bruised. You can simply wait, until you feel your heart is ready. You're worth too much. And if they are the one...they'll meet you at the end.
For any male or female that has been emotionally abandoned by their mother or father, and you are having a hard time in deciphering what to look for in a future husband or wife. Let me drop this peace of advice....
look to Papa.
It is worth the wait...
May God Bless you according your faithfulness and obedience to Him.
Ashley Card 2008 ©